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The atmosphere is not a perfume, it has no taste of the distillation, it is odorless, It is for my mouth forever, I am in love with it, I will go to the bank by the wood and become undisguised and naked, I am mad for it to be in contact with me. Stop this day and night with me and you shall possess the origin of all poems, You shall possess the good of the earth and sun, (there are millions of suns left,) You shall no longer take things at second or third hand, nor look through the eyes of the dead, nor feed on the spectres in books, You shall not look through my eyes either, nor take things from me, You shall listen to all sides and filter them from your self.The smoke of my own breath, Echoes, ripples, buzz'd whispers, love-root, silk-thread, crotch and vine, My respiration and inspiration, the beating of my heart, the passing of blood and air through my lungs, The sniff of green leaves and dry leaves, and of the shore and dark-color'd sea-rocks, and of hay in the barn, The sound of the belch'd words of my voice loos'd to the eddies of the wind, A few light kisses, a few embraces, a reaching around of arms, The play of shine and shade on the trees as the supple boughs wag, The delight alone or in the rush of the streets, or along the fields and hill-sides, The feeling of health, the full-noon trill, the song of me rising from bed and meeting the sun. 3 I have heard what the talkers were talking, the talk of the beginning and the end, But I do not talk of the beginning or the end.After all, this has been my lifelong dream and at 31, I’m not getting any younger. But the truth is he made me the happiest I’ve ever been. Looking back, I feel like there were little signs that should have been red flags: -I swear I saw him looking at personals on Craigslist but I didn’t say anything -He had no boundaries with people.I asked J to be out (he is currently living at a hotel) and now I am managing a 3BR, 2 ba house by myself and I am also taking care of our pets. I asked J to tell me the truth and I asked how many, how long. He was constantly getting other girl’s phone numbers and adding them on Facebook.He said 2 1/2 years (so before we started dating) and over 30. I thought nothing of it — I really trusted him with all my heart. At first, it was amazing, but it dropped off very fast.How could this have been going on our entire relationship? There was always some explanation — they were a girl in his class (he is studying to be a NP), a girl he worked with, someone he met who wanted to be a nurse… We didn’t have sex for 2 weeks before or after our wedding, including the wedding night.I loafe and invite my soul, I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.My tongue, every atom of my blood, form'd from this soil, this air, Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same, I, now thirty-seven years old in perfect health begin, Hoping to cease not till death.

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I had taken screen shots of the emails, and stored them where he couldn’t delete them. He still denied it; someone must have broken into his account, it was SPAM, I heard every excuse in the book. At one point I stole his phone when he wasn’t looking and looked through his applications. At last 10 calls/texts just from December all to local “escorts.” I woke him up again and just said, “it’s over.” I then asked him if there was anything he wanted to say and all he could mutter was, “I have a problem…” I took a shower, drove to school (it was to be my first day back at med school after winter break) and I went to see a school counselor.Then 2 weeks ago, I came into the bedroom after a long evening of studying.J was on his i Phone (the thing was GLUED to his hand at all times) and I noticed he quickly turned off the screen. And there was NO reason for me to suspect anything at all.There was never any more inception than there is now, Nor any more youth or age than there is now, And will never be any more perfection than there is now, Nor any more heaven or hell than there is now.Urge and urge and urge, Always the procreant urge of the world.

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