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During a bathroom break or a trip to the bar, I’ll check my phone, and almost always there is a news alert telling me Donald Trump is attempting to curtail, or has just succeeded in curtailing, the rights of marginalized people in America.It’s an odd thing to then go back to my date and continue the performance of “getting to know you.” I fantasize about walking up to him and saying, “Gotta go!Even more hurtful was the night he and I were standing outside a bar in Bushwick and someone we both knew started making racist comments.While I tried to explain to this man why what he was saying was offensive, my boyfriend stood there in silence.

It’s not that I don’t think white people are anxious; two months into Trump’s presidency, most of the white people in my life are activated.

But the less work I have to do to make him understand how I feel, the better chance I have of getting through the next four years with my head still on.

I’ll start off by saying that I don’t intend for this article to speak for all white women/men or all black men/women.

What I’m craving right now from a partner — more than feeling beautiful, more than anything — is a “black nod” version of a relationship.

I know a man isn’t going to get me through the Trump era.




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