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I board a bus and notice that all the other women are at the back of the bus wearing burqas. I want to go home.” Abdul-Kareem is fed up with my unhappiness. “Had I known something like this could ever happen, had I known that we would have to live with his mother and brothers, I would never have come here.” I attempt a second escape to the American embassy. Without a US passport, I no longer have any rights as an American.

I try twice more to escape — one with a return to the American embassy and another with the help of a friendly German expat.

Phyllis Chesler, 72, is a feminist scholar and a professor emerita of psychology and women’s studies at City University of New York.

In her 14th book, “An American Bride in Kabul” (Palgrave Macmillan) out early next month, she shares for the first time the story of the five months she spent, as a young bride, held prisoner in a Afghan household. I did not enter the kingdom as a diplomat, soldier, teacher, journalist or foreign aid worker.

“Our food isn’t good enough for her — she eats from cans,” she says.

I am her captive, her prisoner; she, my jailer, might treat me more decently if I find ways to please her.

This is difficult for me to write about but I did it. In this country, a naked face is almost the same as fully bared breasts. My husband is informed of my escape, and he finds me and brings me home. “I have been here for three months and have been allowed out only five or six times,” I write in my diary.

I repeat the words: “There is one God, Allah, and Mohammed was his prophet.” I am now a Muslim — at least in my mother-in-law’s eyes — but that still isn’t enough for her. She calls me “Yahud” or “Jew.” When I complain to my husband, he dismisses me as being dramatic. Looking both ways, I walk out feeling like a criminal. “Is this imprisonment meant to tame me, break me, teach me to accept my fate as an Afghan woman?

dating and marriage customs in afghanistan-54dating and marriage customs in afghanistan-73

In Afghanistan, there is much more involvement by the family. Abdul-Kareem is the son of one of the founders of the modern banking system in Afghanistan. Then, when I express my desire to travel, he asks me to marry him. I did not know that this would be our final destination. I learn that my real mother-in-law, Abdul-Kareem’s biological mother, is only my father-in-law’s first wife. But before the caravan of black Mercedes-Benzes can leave, an airport official demands that I turn over my American passport. It will soon be returned to me, so I reluctantly relinquish it. That means — I would soon learn — that I would not be able to leave Afghanistan at will.He wears designer sunglasses and bespoke suits and when he visits New York City, he stays at the Plaza. I am Jewish, raised in an Orthodox home in Borough Park, Brooklyn, the daughter of Polish immigrants. Instead, we stay up all night discussing film, opera and theater. “There is no other way for us to travel together in the Muslim world,” he says. I am now subject to the laws and custom of Afghanistan, and as an Afghan woman, that means hardly any rights at all. Our arrival is celebrated with a feast of unending and delicious dishes.After days of struggling — and falling into a coma—a local doctor is called.He diagnoses me with hepatitis, explaining there’s nothing more he can do. I fear that if I die here I will be buried in a Muslim cemetery, forever forgotten.




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