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Don’t be a thief—save your grade, use Bib Me™ and give credit to those who deserve it!From: [email protected]: Thursday 20 January 2011 11.14am To: David Thorne Subject: Advertisement I received the attached advertisement from a friend who follows you on twitter or something.Although Tattooey provided him with a diagnosis of "dude, dont' pick it, let it scab" that could only stem from several years in medical school, Fatty was less than impressed and only gave it a mild glance and noncommittal grunt before going back to playing Angry Birds.I should probably be thankful that your staff were too occupied with having their earlobes stretched by Tonka-truck tyres and wearing pants around their knees to sell me a snowsurfingboard made of sugar or goggles made of bees.Contrary to popular belief, there is not a lot of snow in Australia and I recently discovered two facts;1. Coming from a climate where the coldest winter demands only complaining slightly less about how hot it is, I am ill-equipped for fact 1.Unfortunately, these discoveries were made half way up a ski-lift while dressed in jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt and soaking wet rental boots in minus twelve degree weather.While I may not have your experience running a business, I am pretty sure that if I owned a shop that sold chairs and you entered and said to me, "Hello shopkeeper, I am looking for something to sit on" and I replied "Sure, this one should suit your needs perfectly, it is made for sitting on" and you purchased the chair, took it home, sat on it, and it exploded, taking out previously purchased furniture with it, you would probably drive back to my shop and say, "Excuse me, I bought this chair an hour ago, used it in the manner you recommended, and it exploded - I am not asking for compensation for my other furniture but would like to exchange it for a non-exploding chair that performs in the manner originally described." Responding with anything other than "I do apologise, here's a replacement" would certainly come as a surprise to you and I doubt "Fuck off, you sat in it" would mean I'd see you, Fatty, Tattoey and Fuzzy at my premises the following week shopping for cushions. Having seen the publicity photo of you with your staff, I realise you probably use a child's board but what length would you recommend for a normal sized human?

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And, going by the adage 'You get what you pay for' in regards to the level of expertise and customer service skills your staff display, I doubt the wages for 'extra staff you had to put on' would exceed the I paid for the pair of destructogloves.

I'm sure there are many advantages to being so small. Thirty minutes of watching instructional Youtube videos have to count for something.

Target carries an excellent range of boys clothing at competitive prices and a lower centre of gravity should, once helped up onto the ski-lift, allow you to snowboardsurf with greater stability. One of them showed a squirrel water-skiing which is pretty much the same thing so how hard can it be?

Otherwise, people might read the word 'welcome' and mistakenly think they are welcome.

Perhaps you could incorporate a sign similar to the 'You must be this tall to ride' kind displayed at carnivals, but amend it to 'You must be this cool to enter' with a big red arrow pointing to photos of Fatty, Tattooey and Fuzzy. While the average male height of 5"9 statistically means anything under is considered short, my question was without diminutive intention.

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