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If I do this, even if I end up marrying Sophie and we live in a detached house in Surrey and we buy a holiday home in Umbria, our children will always look up at the face of a man who once crapped in a takeaway bag. I'd have to hide it here, somewhere in my room next to one of my things. People shitting in bags and throwing it out the window at each other. Then they'll come for the trade unionists- although that, to be honest, wouldn't really bother me too much)Jez: [after joining Nancy in the sauna] (Could use my sauna line.) Phwoor. Maybe I could put on Big Bond Themes and pretend I'm entering data for MI6.)Mark: (Come on, Mark, turn it on! ) Oh, er, naughty, you've combined metric and imperial, you might get an interdenominational...er, you know, from mixing the two measurement systems, a hangover of that kind (Just stay mute, Mark. Remain in your compound.)Mark: (Need time to think. You think the guys who invented Google sat around watching Trumpton? Fighting prejudice and negative stereotypes wherever you find them! It's about vibe, hanging out, kicking back, smoking a number.

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Of course, there had to be a sport for me, I just never realised.

I'm feeling sexy.)Mark: Yeah, alright Leyton was a bit of a paedo. Although it was fifty-fifty which way she'd be looking - might need a bit more to start believing.)Mark: (This is possibly the most exciting thing that has happended to anyone ever. Is she just innocently waggling her bum around and I'm getting illegal benefit? You can't do a sexual assault if you stay still like a statue.

Oh Jesus, it's too much, I'm going to blow my beans! )Mark: Look at us Jez, we're letting our lives slip through our fingers. And I'm never going to meet a woman in a pub, or a nightclub, or an art gallery, or a bookshop, or any other formal or informal social gathering. [holds up a post-it note] "Look, I know what you think happened and yes you're right I have eaten all your ice cream." This is it.

But it was old style paedoing, before it got such a bad name.

just boosting you over the climbing wall, making you run around the camp in your pants...




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